In Search of Balance

One of the guilty habits I acquired while on maternity leave was watching "The View"...I know, crazy but I really actually like the banter and exchanges on hot topics. Friday's discussion was apropos to what was going on in my life. They were discussing the recent NYT op-ed piece "The Sandra Bullock Trade" which asked would you rather have a successful career or successful marriage? The ladies on "The View" discussed how this question wasn't asked of men, in fact it never came up with Tiger Woods? It seems to be the typical--"Women you have to choose work or family" debate. According to Barbara Wawa she says you can have a successful career AND marriage or a successful career AND successful children--essentially, you can have any two things but adding a third is humanly not possible. Unless, she stresses, you have a hands-on partner.

Phew, because being that I started back to work on a limited 15 hour a week schedule this week I was beginning to get depressed, thinking I was doomed. But fortunately Greg is very hands-on and while we both have our slight varying tactics we use to care for Olivia, our overall philosophy and approach is the same. But the seed has been planted and even knowing I had a partner who is very hands-on I still couldn't shake the "two but not three" Barbara Wawa theory. And so the challenge begins!

Mondays and Fridays are my days off. Tuesday I am in the office from noon to 5pm and Weds. and Thurs. I work from home from noon to 5pm. While this schedule won't last forever--I will gradually build to working 30 hours a week--I am determined to have all three...why? Not because I am an overachiever or seeking a challenge...because all three mean a lot to me. Ok, perhaps (maybe) I could loose the work component but there is a sense of satisfaction I get from it as well. Is it my focus as it once was--NO; the priorities have shifted and the two I choose are my husband and child but that doesn't mean just because work is now the third ranking item that it goes being neglected. It means boundaries and balance...although I hate the latter--balance--it is so cliche and means that things aren't in harmony. So I prefer boundaries, and I will admit, I have not been so good at this in the past...Yes, this is the girl who would work in the office while in NYC until 10pm and cab it home. But now I have this little person starring into my eyes! It's amazing how powerful and magical that really is.

Olivia reminds me of what is important everyday. She also allows me to find great joy in the simplest of things and explore alongside her. For instance, she learned to giggle and laugh on Friday. THANK GOODNESS I was sitting next to her when she did. Check out the video--we caught the tail end of her giggle fest. Greg and I have watched this video 100 times since and we still merry in the joy she expresses. Little does she know but she is teaching mommy just as much as mommy is teaching her.

So far: happy baby, which will hopefully lead to successful child. Now onto the next challenge--healthy marriage. Ok, date nights are a little more challenging with an 11week old and most of our family in Southern California or at least 45 minutes away. Fortunately, we do have Greg's dad close if we ever get in a pinch. Suddendly I remembered reading, in some parenting publication, how to make date nights happen even if you don't leave your home. So, on Friday we started with a nice late afternoon family walk, then we fed baby and down she went to bed. And although I had planned to make dinner that turned into a joint activity as well! Fortunately, Greg enjoys cooking as well and he makes a great sous chef, and so we began the chopping and sautéing...the extra help was appreciated and fun, especially since we were trying a new recipe. Greg took the initiative to light the candles and voila--we were "out but in" for dinner together! Afterwards, we meandered downstairs (with baby monitor in tow) to watch a movie. We realized however, we had a ton on TIVO that has gone unwatched and so being the reality TV junkies we are we opted for an episode of Kitchen Nightmares and Sober House (romantic, huh?). It might not sound like every one's idea of a great date but just having the uninterrupted time together was perfect enough for us. We call it reconnecting time and that it was.

As for boundaries, I think I hit a milestone on Friday just like Olivia did with laughing; I didn't log in ONCE to my work email and I left the blackberry OFF! May not sound like a big deal but anyone who knows me should know just how significant that step is in my quest for balance!!

Whirlwind travels and bedtime routines

So let me state the obvious...I am a bad blogger. It's been way too long between posts, but then again I think I have a good 10 week excuse.

Olivia and I spent a week in LA and then Greg came down for Easter weekend to spend with us and my family. It was a great trip and Olivia had quite the LA welcome. One test complete: Miss O makes a good road warrior! She slept 90% of the drive and ate the other 10%. No fuss, no muss...thank goodness. She saw LA, the OC and San Diego too--hindsight I was probably pushing it, but thank goodness the little lady appears to have the travel bug gene. The only downside is a 5-6 hour drive to LA from SF turns into an 8-9 hour drive with stops, stretches and feeding breaks.

Our other big approach is developing a bedtime and nap time routine. We started with naps and are in day 4 of bedtime routine. I don't want to jinx anything but so far so good. We started with putting her down for naps in her cradle (where she currently sleeps at night) for her naps. Then moved to developing a bedtime "routine" which consists of feeding, bath (every 2-3 days, don't think every night is warranted right now, do you?), books, small talk or song, swaddle, giraffe sound machine(by Cloud B--see photo--a Godsend) and in 15 or so minutes she is out! Whoo hoo!!!!



I'm a little torn though I will admit. I was an anti-pacifier pre-child person and will admit bedtime also includes a paci/binkie. My aversion to the pacifier was developing a dependency to it; you know the speaking toddler roaming about with one in mouth while trying to talk. So I fear while she is going down for bedtime like a champ, am I creating a dependency on not only the pacifier but the giraffe?!!?

My fears were slightly calmed when I read "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Karp. Although Olivia is/has never been (knock on wood) a colicky baby (which Dr. Karp focuses much of his approach toward), developing good sleep habits and ability to sooth a fussy baby has been on the top of my list. So to see that I was hitting 3 of his 5 "s" was a relief. But then again as any baby book has there are always another viewpoints and opinions. The good thing is Olivia doesn't seem to be a fan of the pacifier anytime except for bedtime. She has recently become a bigger fan of her fist--I was a thumb sucker and that is my other fear seeing how much that cost my parents in ortho! But the other night Olivia slept 7 hours and last night it was 6so I'm selfishly loving the sleep I am getting as well :)

So what worked/works for you? What's your bedtime routine? And go ahead give me your opinion on my dependency theory...goodnight (hopefully another long peaceful night)